


See Yourself As I Do

by The_Heart_of_an_Angel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: And also romantic whispering, Body Worship?, Comfort, Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FtM Transgender, High School, Low Self-Esteem, M/M, Romance, Sadness, Whispering dirty talk, trans!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 14:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7109635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Heart_of_an_Angel/pseuds/The_Heart_of_an_Angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is feeling especially dysphoric one day after school. Dean comes over and comforts and romances the hell out of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See Yourself As I Do

As he curled up on his bed, his stomach was sinking low into his gut. It was hollow and aching and he couldn't get away from it. His skin was crawling and the way his blanket slid against his skin was irritating. Tears forced their way from his eyes and stained his cheeks. 

He's stuck between wanting to spread himself across the bed, or bringing his knees up close to become a ball. He didn't want to touch anything. Not his bound chest, or his thighs, or his pudgy stomach. He didn't want any of it. He wanted it all to go away... He was fighting it. 

Castiel had just been at school. A normal day. But, seeing his boyfriend, Dean, surrounded by his hot football friends made him think about it. They were muscular and tall, and gorgeous. He couldn't stop thinking about how he didn't look like them. He didn't have a male body and he didn't have a pretty face. He was in constant fear that Dean would want to date someone else. How had he even convinced Dean to date him in the first place?

More tears streamed down his face as he gasped and choked and wailed. His chewed down fingernails dug into the skin of his arms and he rocked back and forth as he sat on his bed. His knees pulled up, but not touching his chest that was hidden behind his binder. 

There was a knock on his bedroom door, and he immediately ceased his crying. 

"Hello?" He asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking. He squeezed his eyes shut. It was probably his mom there to ask him if he was okay.

"It's me. Can I come in?" It was Dean. His voice was rough and low, but it was calm. Castiel bit his lip before sucking in his tears and replying with a confirmation that he may enter. The door opened and Dean came in. He set his backpack on the floor next to the bed and sat down on the edge, turned to Cas. "Cas, what's wrong?"

Cas looked up at him, wanting to see his bright green eyes. They were filled with worry. He knew his own eyes were red and puffy. 

"It's..." his chin quivered.

"Come on, huggy bear. You can tell me anything." Dean smiled softly. He knew Cas loved it when he called him that nickname. It always made him smile. Cas opened his mouth to try to tell him, but his words choked at first, before he forced them out. 

"I just... I feel like I'm not good enough." He released a loud breath and started crying again. "I'm not... I don't have a penis. And I have boobs and not everyone... I feel like you might not see me..." he breathed in short, fast gasps. His hands gestured to his torso. "As, you know..."

Dean's eyebrows drew together and he climbed over to Cas, pulling him in a hug. "Cas... that is not true. I do not think you're a girl. I never have. You're you, Cas." Castiel started crying again loudly, trying to wipe his tears away whilst being hugged. Dean held him as if he were a pile, and he was trying to keep all the pieces together. 

"B-but... wouldn't you rather have a boyfriend that you can do... stuff... with? Y-you're gay. You d-don't..." He sniffed. "Like GIRLS!" Another fit of sobbing left him and he covered his face with his hands. Dean pulled away. 

"Cas... is this why you never want to makeout or... anything? Because you think I'm not attracted to your body? Because you think that I think you're a girl?" Dean asked, quietly. He gently pulled Cas' hands away and caught his gaze. His green eyes were dazzling and seeing them made Cas stop crying and fade to sniffs and small tears. He nodded, bottom lip pouting. 

"I know you wish I had a penis." Cas whispered. Dean paused... and nodded.

"Yes, I do. But not because I won't have sex with you if you don't have one. It's because you deserve one. You're a boy, just like me, and you deserve to have the body that you should have been born with." Dean held Cas' hands tightly. "I love you, Cas. No matter what parts you have." He whispered and moved closer. His mouth over Cas' ear. "You are attractive and handsome and sexy." He breathed, hot and wet against Cas' ear. Cas shuddered and his cheeks flushed. 

"D-Dean..." his eyes were wide as Dean shuffled closely over him. Dean on his knees between his legs. 

"You're a beautiful boy, and I'm sorry that I made you think all these things. You have no idea how hot you are." Dean smiled and kissed his neck. He out his hands on Cas' hips and served as a guide to move him down, so they were laying. Dean on top of Cas. 

His kisses moved, down his neck, to his collarbone, and back up to his jawline. Meanwhile, Dean's hands found their way up his shirt, touching his bare stomach, and playing with the edge of his binder. 

Cas had stopped crying, and his heart had started beating rapidly. He was terrified. He didn't want Dean to remove his binder, and expose his unwanted breasts. 

"It's okay, Cas." Dean was whispering in his ear. It made his face turn red as a tomato. "You're so beautiful. Someday, you won't have to wear this anymore. You'll feel proud of who you are." Dean's hands moved around on his stomach, feeling the soft skin, and the hipbones. He sat up, before shifting back and bending down to kiss up his exposed flesh. Cas' T-shirt was pulled up to his neck. 

Dean's lips were hot and wet as they left trails of kisses on his stomach and hips. Dean's hands squeezed Cas' thighs through his jeans. 

Once done adorning his torso with kisses, Dean came back up and kissed Cas hotly. Their lips fought for a moment, before coming together sweetly. Cas' hands came up to play in Dean's hair, rugging the short, soft strands. Dean's hips canted down, rubbing his hard erection against Cas' thigh. They pulled back. Cas: because he was frightened, and Dean: because he wanted to say something. 

"See what you do to me?" Dean whispered. "That's all you, my beautiful boy. You have a sexy stomach and beautiful legs and your eyes..." Dean looked at the bright blue and smiled. "You're perfect." He kissed him again, and Cas moaned.

Holy hell, Cas was crying again. Tears slipped down his cheeks and into his ears. Dean held him so gently, but his hard member was also pressing against him and making him... aroused. 

They were both breathing heavily as Dean created a rhythm, rubbing himself against Cas and nipping his lips. He was so close to cumming, but he wanted Cas to be right there with him. He returned with more whispers, right into Cas' neck. It tickled. 

"Fuck. You feel that, Cas? So good. Imagine me making love to you. We can do anal if you want. Fuck you like the hot little boy you are. Huh? God, you're so beautiful. I want to make you know it. Want you to feel me. We can get you a strap-on. You can fuck me too. Someday, it'll be the real deal. When you go on hormones, and you start growing out your clit. I'll suck your dick. But, you don't need it now. You're a real boy. Right now." Dean went on and breathed harshly, hotly. His panting quickened and Cas was moaning and crying and gripping Dean's hair and the back of his neck. Dean was thrusting against him, rubbing, and their hips moved together. Cas' toes curled. He could imagine having Dean inside him, having sex like any other gay male couple. He imagined having a real penis, and Dean wrapping his mouth around it. Fuck...

Dean grunted and kissed his neck as he came in his pants. His body stilled and he left a group of kisses on Cas' skin. He looked up at Cas and smiled. Both of their hearts were beating rapidly. Dean could feel them both in their chests. He brought one hand up to wipe the tears from Cas' eyes. He just looked at him for a minute, catching his breath, and watching Cas half between tears and calming down.

"See? You're my beautiful boy. You're real and you're perfect and I love you. No matter if you were born in the wrong body. Someday, you'll have all the right parts for yourself. But I'll have loved you all this time, for you. I don't care about dick. I don't want anyone else." Dean kissed him lovingly and rolled off of him to be next to him. 

Cas wiped some of his tears away and nodded. He was overwhelmed hearing Dean say all those things. He'd never felt like he would ever actually be able to be seen as he wanted people to see him. As he wants to see himself. But finally... finally he knew that Dean saw him. "I love you too, Dean " 

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love comments! Please and thank you! Constructive criticism is welcomed!


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